There have been many times in my life that I’ve wondered if there is something wrong with me. I tend to have a delayed reaction in many ways. I have always been the type that if there is a crisis, I can get through the entire thing with a stone face, but a few hours after all is well, you might find me in a room alone, crying. I have found this to be the same with delayed grief.
I don’t know what it is about me that causes my emotions to wait. I have compared myself to others through the years, wondering why I could not cry when everyone else is crying. I remember when my grandmother died, I could not even make myself cry. I was hurting so bad inside, but I could not seem to make it appear outwardly. Months and even years later, I would think of her and cry, alone.
Now that mom has taken her journey home, I have seen my grief come earlier and deeper. Even with this, it has been so different from my other family members. The good thing is that I am learning, this is okay. If everyone like me, a few months after a death in the family, we would all be crying. Vise versa, if we all grieved deeply in the beginning, none of the arrangements would be made.
I am learning the importance of having a support system. My husband and kids have been able to keep me focused on the “now” and my faith. My friends, some have prayed me through, and a special friend made herself available until I was able to really cry.
I cannot say enough that we are all individuals, and we should not expect someone else’s emotions to fit into our timeline. I am thankful for those around me that understand and embrace my delayed emotions.